It rained today

It rained today, although i didn't take any real notice. A sickening realization, that shot through my body and left me speechless consumed my mind like a shadow. there was nothing, no comfort, no answers nothing. Where was i going? who cares anymore, I've done the one thing, that from the bottom of my heart hurts more then anything i ever thought could.
i defiled my person, destroyed my soul, and to make it all seem real, i fucked around with that, and turned my own destructive nature onto someone i love the most. How could i be so stupid? why would i have thought everything would have been fine. As the memory started to fade, and i could finally start to look at myself, and think of myself as a decent human being...
it all comes down, that the beauty of gravity, and of the universe, you think gravity is corporeal and that it only effects what is tangible. Unfortunately that is not even close to the case... You can try to run, but know that you will always tire before you demons do, and they never stop, never tire, and in the end you are subject to a will that is the worst possible... the will you bestowed upon yourself. why do people do this to themselves? why do people need to make more problems when life is so willing to hand them out... how can you even expect to survive..
The uncanny desire to always be in strife has once again taken hold, and when you finally stop to look at it...you are staring back at yourself.
Never will i be able to justify my actions, i can only hope that the universe will set everything straight, i am not longer at the hands of my own mercy, and neither is the one i love.
I am lost without her...and ironically, she could be lost because of me...
what more is there to say? what more could you possibly want to say...i search deep for the words and yet...there are none.

-Joe